11th October 2021

On Turning 50

Kedar and Chetan joined the elite club of Guruji, Leenesh, Tasneem, Bindu, Chaitanya, Rajesh and Nihal a few days ago when they turned fifty. Now that the euphoria of their birthday celebrations has subsided a bit, it is time to reflect on what it means to reach this personal milestone. Life’s inexorable forward march ensures that most of us are able to reach and even cross this landmark quite easily. Modern medicines ensure our survival in spite of our lifestyles and habits. By the time we turn fifty, our personal and professional lives are set. This is the time we start reflecting on the days gone by.

While mulling on this topic I was reminded of a few songs from the 1961 movie, “Hum Dono”, starring the dashing Dev Anand in a double role and the beautiful Sadhana.

The first song to make an impression is, Abhi Na Jaao Chhod Kar… Ke Dil Abhi Bhara Nahi. This is a song where Dev Anand is trying to convince his premika, Sadhana, to spend some more time with him. If we give a twist to these lyrics and replace the premika with our youth, one can imagine a scenario where we try to hold on to our younger selves as much as possible. By the time we turn fifty, realisation dawns that our youth has deserted us and we are now beset with baldness or greying hair, hair sprouting at unexpected places, muscle loss, gastric problems, diabetes, BP etc. Some try to cling to their younger selves by employing various cosmetic tools but in our minds we know that these changes are permanent. This is the time when we slowly begin to shift our goalposts. Everything on this planet keeps evolving and we are no exception. Tectonic plates move under the earth’s surface, weathers change, tides rise and fall, plants blossom and wither away and we too keep evolving. It is up to us to determine which path our evolution takes and what is our destination. Our mental evolution is as important as physical. Asha Bhosle playfully reminds us that ”yehi kahoge to sum sada… ke dil abhi bhara nahi”_ 😀😀

Turning fifty makes us nostalgic and we reminisce about the days gone by. Some find the march of life turbulent and are not really satisfied the way their lives shape up. This leads to despondency and despair which further aggravate their senses and body. It is a time when the song ”Kabhi Khud Pe, Kabhi Haalat Pe Rona Aaya” resonates with you. This song laments the separation of two lovers, yet it has deep philosophical undertones. One realises that one’s dreams haven’t been fulfilled, aspirations not achieved and loved ones moving away. The futility of what we have been able to do with our lives hits very hard. This is the time of having a midlife crisis. This is the time to evaluate whether you need to correct your course. This is the time to ensure that you do not go down a downward spiral. It is the time to analyse, write down your thoughts and act. Life is long and unforgiving and we need our loved ones to support and help us. Application of mental models help us in unravelling situations a lot better. We will save this for later.

The third song, “Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya, Har Fikra to Dhooen Me Udata Chala Gaya” is the solution. This song can very well be our personal anthem. The poet, Sahir Ludhianvi, tells us to take whatever happens in our stride. One should not wallow too much in one’s perceived failures as it serves no purpose. On the contrary one should celebrate such failures by learning and _evolving_ further. Try to forget whatever you are unable to achieve and move on with life. “Ghum Aur Khushi Mein Fark Na Mehsoos Ho Jahaan… Main Dil ko Us Makaam Pe Laata Chala Gaya”.

Yogesh, Maheish and myself will turn fifty in a few months and I am sure most of us have gone through some of the stages mentioned above. Reflection, self-realisation, course correction. It is important to realise and accept that we have very little control on what happens around and with us. What is imperative is we try to maximise whatever life offers us.

This essay is a bit long and may appear preachy but I thought it was important to pen down my thoughts.

You can find the complete audio album of Hum Dono at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c3ucpp0P_o

  • Sandeep Oke

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