Guru Pournima

Guru Pournima was celebrated in India on 5th July. People acknowledge the role of their gurus in life and pay obeisance according to tradition. We were very intimately associated with Guru Pournima because of Gayatri's dance class. Every year visiting the class adorned in her finest traditional attire was a ritual which was followed by us for the past twelve odd years. This year we made an exception as our daughter is no longer actively pursuing Bharatanatyam because of other priorities. 

The function is very elaborately organised and is a visual feast. Most of the students visit and pay their respects come rain or shine. 

Kaustubh Kirtane sends me a Guru Pournima message every year. I find this particularly odd as I do not deserve the epithet of 'guru'. Whatever KK has achieved, he has done it by the dint of labour. He found himself in a bit of a soup recently after ILF&S imploded. But he found a suitable alternative employment. KK now sees himself in a different role of a teacher.

I wonder sometimes whether I have any gurus in my life. Upon reflection I have come to the conclusion that I do not reverentially look up to any person as most devotees/followers do. Accepting everyone as they are, with their flaws and positive attributes, is my way of life. If one looks closely, one would realise that there is something to be learnt from each and every one of us. I will make a list below of some people who I encounter in everyday life and what learning can be had from them. This list is by no means exhaustive. It may not contain some of our relatives as I do not get an opportunity to interact with them regularly. The list will be dominated by my friends of Shivaji Park who have now become an integral part of our life. Some people who have deceased may find a place for the impact they have made.

1. Baba: After having a turbulent and not so happy childhood, my father finally found some solace when he came for his college education to Mumbai. Life at Ruia was extremely comfortable and convenient. He was among loving and caring relatives (vahini and dada Oke). College studies were to his liking and later he also managed to get a job at BARC and got a chance to do what he liked. He was a bit unlucky to have the parents that he had. We have no say in these matters. My grandfather was an exceptional person but not very communicative or appreciative. Baba always felt terrorised by his father. As far as his mother goes, Annapurna Oke, my grandmother, was an enigma. An excellent cook, but an exceedingly difficult person to live with! Many people have affirmed her strange nature. A mediocre brother and a sister with whom Baba never really became friends made up the family. It is likely that my grandfather had elevated expectations of my father and his aloofness was just a mask to ensure that Yashwant's feet remained on the ground. Later in life after serving BARC for 24 years, Baba took the unconventional step of taking up voluntary retirement and starting a business to provide some opening for his 'mediocre children'. He did not have any business background, nor did he have any acumen. He trusted (wrong judgment call) his brother which led to a lot of tears and financial turmoil in later years. Harshad decided to chart his own path but I joined the family business. Baba was temperamental but his heart was in the right place. He would never hurt anyone or come in the way of anybody's progress. Always openly appreciative and a lover of good food and cigarettes. Learnings from him: to be fiercely independent, to be protective of your subordinates, giving a fair chance to everyone, eternal optimism, shielding the family from financial worries.
2. Aai: The संसार of aai and baba worked largely because of Aai's tolerant attitude. Baba wasn't a easy person to get along with. He was a bit whimsical and largely kept to himself. Aai had remarkable patience and displayed a charming countenance. I wonder what her mental state would be like. She used to be holed up at home for days together only stepping out to buy groceries once in a while. She wasn't a social animal and had very few friends. Her life was spent in making tiffins for baba and us, various meals and being the overall provider. I shamefully recollect that we had no concern at all about her well being. Before we got a washing machine, she used to wash clothes by hand. Circumstances were dispiriting to say the least. She had a husband who didn't think too much of her, a mother in law who lorded over everyone and gave scant respect to her daughter-in-laws, shady relatives and disinterest children. I realised much later in life how tormented she would have been when she couldn't provide shelter to her mother. She did not have any right in our house! Among the three sisters she kept visiting her mother at the various old age homes she was kept in at Badlapur and later at Thane. She was a lone crusader as neither baba nor the three of us took efforts to sympathise or be with her. I accompanied aai only once to Badlapur and Thane, that too at the behest of Mr. Arun Phadke who berated me for being so inconsiderate. We later saw our grandmother only after she passed all alone, forgotten and probably having lost her mind. She had a very lonely funeral with baba, Harshad and I attending. Aai had the spark in her. What we saw of her, largely lethargy, disinterestedness masked as laziness was an outcome of being ignored by everyone for many years. She tried to forge an identity for her much later in life when she did the Government Commercial Diploma. We were in our late teens and then had started realising what a raw deal she had got for her entire life. One would never forget the generosity when she gave her jewellery to baba to pay off a disgruntled (!!) relative. She never mentioned this in private or public. She was always appreciative and accommodative. Friends and family were always welcome at home and were generously fed. Later in life she started going in a shell after she was diagnosed with Diabetes and later with blood pressure. Her end was very mystifying. Learnings from her: Patience, generosity, smiling in the face of adversity.
3. Vidyadhardada: Many would say that VGO is aloof and largely keeps to himself. I wouldn't argue with this premise. I have never ever seen a person as versatile as him. At various times he has been a badminton champ, chess champion, astrologer, writer, musician, music researcher, teacher, pharmacologist, music inventor etc. His path breaking work in Indian classical music has won him several accolades and he continues to do exemplary work in 22 shrutis and inventing a new kind of harmonium, shrutiveena and some other devices. His work on Punarjanma has turned out to be controversial but he continues to work resolutely. VGO retired from the pharmaceutical industry in 2004, a few days after my father passed away. The last 16 years have perhaps seen him at his productive best! He continues to live an isolated life, the way he prefers to be and continues to have a prodigious output. Learnings from him: methodical approach to work, planning, unwavering determination and attention, clear headedness, passion for whatever you like to do, simplicity.
4. Dr. Thatte: The good doctor has been visiting our office for the past 20 odd years (could be more). His thirst for accumulating knowledge, his curiosity, depth of understanding are beyond comparison. Today at 81 he displays uncharacteristic flair and energy which belies his age. Dr. Thatte has done pathbreaking work in Indian philosophy, particularly the Bhagwad Geeta. His social work, environmental battles, his love for gardening is what makes him stand apart from the rest. There is so much to learn from this phenomenal person but I haven't been able to emulate or inculcate any of his traits. Perhaps the fault is mine as I can never aspire to climb the Everest! Learnings from him: determination, eternal curiosity, discipline, doggedness, affableness.
5. Karvekaka: The ever reliable and uncompromising Karvekaka is a specimen to behold. He nursed his wife (Usha maushi) for a very long time. That too after he retired from government service. His life can be termed as tragic if one considers what he has endured so far. His three daughters love and care for him but they are far away in the US. He does visit them sometimes but he prefers to live in his Ghatkopar home. And what a residence this is! His new residence is a spanking 3 bedroom hall kitchen flat and he is the sole occupant. I would have gone mad staying alone in such a house. But his thirst for knowledge and burning desire to be independent keep him going. He learnt how to operate a computer when he was well in his 60's and is now adept at net banking and making investments online. Very few people of his age (80) would venture anywhere near to what he does. As per Chinese horoscopes he is an Ox and he does display many characteristics resembling this animal. Learnings from him: independence, owning up to decisions, accepting things as they are, not keeping any mental baggage, forgiving nature, helping nature without any exception or expectations.
6. Harshad: Harshad and I grew up together but perhaps got closer only later in life. The three of us, Harshad, Alkatai and me had a very queer relationship. In some families siblings share robust relationships. Not so with us. We were aloof and disconnected with each other. I wonder why. Harshad displayed a remarkable flair for writing right from his childhood and had uncommon grit and determination in matters like reading and writing. He perhaps found our educational system too stifling. His academic record is no reflection of his intellect. What he achieved later in life was because of his intellect and hard work. Not a person to balk at a challenge or a difficult situation and abundantly capable to hold his own in an argument! He presents an uncompromising and unabashedly rough attitude but it is more out of design. Underneath is a soft, sensitive soul. Learnings from him: confidence in self, self belief, generosity.
7. Vidula: We got married in 1997. Yet seems just like yesterday. Vidula is an inquisitive person and likes to be in the thick of things. I have to rein her in many times. She is talkative, magnificently outspoken and uncomfortably honest. Once you become friends, you become part of family. Speaking of family, she is now more in touch with my side of the family! She remembers everybody's birthdays, anniversaries and makes it a point to wish them. A consummate cook, she yearns to try new recipes. Not a person interested in material things, she seeks comfort and solace in homely activities. Learnings from her: outspoken nature, energy, ability to shrug of adversity and generosity in monetary matters.
8. Meenutai, Parag, Dipti, Preeti: This quartet has taught me several things like humility, courage under fire, doggedness etc.
9. My Shivaji park friends made a huge impact much later in life. There are many to write about but some prominent ones are Naveen, Nihal, Manisha, Sharad, Nagesh, Kulkarni saheb, Kedar, Sameer Tamhane, Pranav, Monty, Bindu, Uday and many many more. So many things to learn, absorb and inculcate!
10. I had trouble making friends at college as I was never comfortable with myself. I kept largely to myself and was comfortable only with a select few like Batty, Bhide, Abhijit... just a few of them really.
11. Our society too has stalwarts like Namjoshi, Kane, Vaidya etc. from whom one can learn many things.

This essay will remain incomplete as people come and go from our lives. New friends are made, old acquaintances are lost. People change. We change. Perceptions change. I have excluded any real teachers I have faced in my life. The only exception perhaps would be Shri Eknath Thakur of NIASA. A guru can be anyone. A guru is a person who makes you better. The only criterion required from our side is the ability to accept our shortcomings.