Clutter

Meditation is supposed to help you declutter your minds. The thoughts going around in our minds resemble chaotic traffic where vehicles move around happily ignoring the 'one way', 'no entry', 'zebra crossing', 'red/amber light', 'no parking' signs. This analogy would be apt to explain what goes on in our minds.

Even as I am typing this piece, I find my mind stray very often. Whoever can master the mind and is able to concentrate on the task at hand has some superpower which deludes most of us! Our mind is very unstable, one minute we are happy and the very next, nervous and edgy. It has this tendency of allowing negative thoughts linger for a very long time (hence the 'no parking' analogy). Positive, happy thoughts seem to evaporate very fast. Philosophers say that we have to live 'in the moment'. This is easier said than done as our mind keeps us either in the past or in the future but never in the present. We keep cursing individuals or our luck for some past misfortune or are edgy about non performance or failure to meet our goals at a later date. All of us somehow manage to screw the present. There is so much happening around us. There is so much joy one can derive from what goes on around us!

I am sensing some minute changes in me about 15-16 days after I undertook Naval Ravikant's meditation challenge. I am now able to concentrate for a longer duration and by and large am able to take in everything with equanimity. Naval says we should welcome all thoughts and analyse them when they occur. Meditation is not absence of thought but being aware of them. I am also learning the ability of 'pausing'. Nothing should be done in haste as decisions so taken are usually half baked and ill conceived. Whichever decision I need to take I sit on it for 2-3 days and only then act if I still have the same conviction as I had when the thought occurred. Meditation has helped me achieve this as I tend to be impulsive in some matters. Particularly investment related. More on this later.

I have been trying to learn and inculcate in my discipline some of the mental models I read on FS. But again, my mind played tricks as I was unable to concentrate for long. I was unable to read and digest articles which would take more than 5 minutes to read. So much wisdom, which is freely available, goes unutilised and unappreciated. 

I find myself distracted again. What started out as a small essay on the vagaries of our mind became repetitive and a tad self-indulgent. I began writing this blog with the express intention of penning down my thoughts on a daily basis. I failed miserably at this. Other than maintaining a daily journal, there isn't much to be proud of. My writing, which was probably promising at some point, became dull and listless because I became dull and listless. The content became shallow, because my thoughts have turned shallow.

I now need to step back, pause and reflect on the kind of literature I want to read. I should be reading only that which keeps me sufficiently engaged and entertained. Not everyone can digest Will Durant or Peter Watson (two authors whose books line by bookcase but are seldom opened). I have read many novels but there came I time when I felt I need to read something more 'substantial'. Hence I strayed into Watson, Dawkins (whom I mildly liked), Durant. Yuval Noah Harari is a noteworthy exception as his Sapiens made a lot of sense to me. Bill Bryson was a complete exception as he was stunningly engaging. The way forward would be to read what I like and not copy someone else. Then after I finish reading a tome, I write an essay on it. This will help me grease my mind a bit. 

This is food for thought.